Armageddon Part XIII: Rosie O’Donnell Realizes Her Big Blunder!

Rosie is water-skiing in a cove near her mother’s house in the afterlife realm. She is being pulled by an energy ball that’s skimming along the surface of the water at breakneck speed. Rosie is having a blast, screaming and laughing as she is dragged along surface of the water. Rosie’s mom steps out of the house situated on a hill overlooking the cove and calls out to Rosie. Without having to shout, her voice carries easily to Rosie.
Rosie’s Mom: Rosie! Lunch is ready!
Rosie: Ok, give me five more….(she laughs at herself)…I keep forgetting there is no time here…I’ll be there in a jiffy!
The energy ball seems to understand that Rosie needs to go and it maneuvers to give Rosie one last run around the cove. It picks up speed and then suddenly submerges under the surface of the water, dragging a very surprised Rosie under water. The ball then shoots out of the water taking Rosie up into the air. She lands perfectly on the water surface and screams with exhilaration.
Rosie: WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! FANTASTIC!!!
The energy ball curves around the cove and flicks Rosie towards the shore.
Rosie: WAAAAAAAaaaaa……thanks you…ball thing…whatever you are. See you soon!
The energy ball flashes her a light in acknowledgment and flies off. Rosie balances herself on the ski as she skims across the surface of the cove towards the shore.
Rosie: This is fantastic!! Look Ma, no hands!!
Suddenly, Rosie is hit a wave of sadness and in her mind’s eye, she sees, hears, and feels her children on Earth mourning her passing. Their thoughts of grief hit her as if she’s struck by a bat. Because of this distraction, Rosie loses her balance and falls into the water, tumbling for some distance. She walks out of the water, onto the shore, and lays down upon the sand - she hears her partner Kelli crying with grief as she comforts her heartbroken children back on Earth. Rosie shakes off the image in her mind, gets up, runs up the hill and into her mom’s house. She enters a room with a grand view of the cove and plops down at the table as her mom serves her spinach lasagna.
Rosie’s Mom: Did you have a good time, Roseanne?
Rosie: I guess so…
A plate of hot piping spinach lasagna is set down on the table before her.
Rosie’s Mom: Well, dig in. I hope it tastes ok. Just remember, I haven’t cooked since I was back on Earth.
Rosie: You’re not having any?
Rosie’s Mom: No, of course not! We don’t have to eat anymore. We make food only for those who have crossed over recently so they can transition better.
Rosie: You don’t eat? Then how come you’re still so…
Rosie stops herself and shoves a big bite of lasagna into her mouth.
Rosie’s Mom: …still so what?
Rosie’s mom puts her hand on her hips.
Rosie: …still such a good cook.
Rosie’s Mom: You meant to say fat, didn’t you Roseanne?
Rosie: …uh…no?
Rosie’s Mom: Oh please Roseanne, you forget that I can read your thoughts here…not that I couldn’t before on Earth.
Rosie: Damn this telepathy thing. It makes mothers twice as annoying.
Rosie’s mom stands before Rosie, closes her eyes, and concentrates. Her body suddenly changes from an older woman to a young, slim woman in her early 30s. Rosie drops her fork onto the plate.
Rosie: How the….?!
Rosie’s Mom: That was just a costume for your benefit. Well, I’m off.
Rosie: Off? To where?
Rosie’s Mom: Roseanne, I have a full life here. I have my work, my recreation, and friends. And now that you seem to have adjusted, I am going back to my life. You didn’t think I would always be with you, now did you?
Rosie (with an attitude): What do you do exactly?
Rosie Mom: I work with children who recently transitioned Roseanne, and I don’t like your tone.
Rosie: Mom, can you please stay? I…I am not feeling very well.
Rosie’s mom walks up to her and brushes her damp hair back.
Rosie: I know honey. I can see it too…my grandchildren and Kelli…grieving. But that’s something you will have to deal with spiritually. You made the decision to stay. I can’t do the work for you.
Rosie gets up and walks to the window.
Rosie: But mom, I wasn’t thinking it through when I decided to stay. I wasn’t thinking about what would happen exactly. All I wanted to do was find you…and I thought that if I did, everything would be ok, all the hurt would be gone…
Rosie turns around and her mother has disappeared.
Rosie: Mom??
Rosie is left standing in the room alone. She is hit with another wave of grief from her kids on Earth. She leans against the chair and holds her heart.
Rosie: Oh dear God, this is worse than call-waiting interruptions from my mother-in-law.
Rosie leaps out the window and flies around. The turn around the sky seems to give her some comfort. She is hit again with another wave of grief, causing her to tumble out of the sky. She lands on the ground with a thud.
Rosie: God damn it, how do I turn this feature off?! Is this supposed to be heaven or hell??!!
The scene of one of her kids in school pops into her mind. Suddenly, she is drawn into the scene and she is back on Earth, watching her kid in class. No one can see her; Rosie touches a wall and her hand goes right through it. She goes up to her son, seated, doodling on the desk, and not paying attention in class. She calls out his name but he doesn’t respond. The teacher catches him graffitiing and orders him to go to the principal’s office. He lashes out at her.
Rosie: No, no, don’t say that! Tell her you’re sorry! Go to the principal’s office quietly!
He stands up and kicks the teacher in the shin, and throws his chair as he storms out of the room. School security is called and he is escorted to detention. Rosie follows him and tries to calm him down but to no avail.
Rosie: You can’t say and do stuff like that! What the hell has gotten into you?! You’re not like this! (to herself) Oh God, I know what it is…
Rosie slaps herself on the forehead
Rosie (to herself): Stupid, stupid, stupid!
She kneels next to her kid, handcuffed to a chair in detention.
Rosie: Listen, you have to get beyond the grief…the anger…otherwise you won’t have a future…
Suddenly, a timeline appears before her showing her son’s future. In it, he is seen running away from home and getting involved with petty crime and drugs.
Rosie: No, no, oh my god, what I have done….that cannot be! DANNY!!!!
Rosie is pulled back to the afterlife realm and she calls out to her guide.
Rosie: Danny!! DANNY!!!
She looks around for him.
Rosie: I’ve made a mistake - you have to get me back! Danny??!!
There is no response.
(…to be continued)
